Hello loves!  Can you believe we are at the end of 2018? Are you tired of hearing other people say the exact same thing? LOL , same.  Let's jump into this post, shall we?  I have wanted patent leather pants since forever but I never thought I could pull them off.  They seemed tight and tight for me equals uncomfortable.  But after seeing a few bloggers rock them, specifically scouthecity I thought to myself you don't have that body type but ahh what the hell get them anyway! 😎 I found the pair I am rocking on H&M's website for $30 and I had a 20% discount code so SCORE!  Check out how I styled them in a video I shared here. For reference I ordered them in a size 8 because I really worried about them being too tight, turns out sizing up was a good idea.  These hit right above the belly button and have give in the hip and thigh area.

1) Classic Blazer

2. Oversized Sweater

3. Denim Shirt Over a Tee

Shop My Pants

Take a risk, buy the pants. If I can pull it off so can you!

Thanks for reading babes!
XOXO

 Until Next Time.

 LifeStyledbyErica

1. The Suit

I realize this is only my second installation of "Currently In" but can I say it is my favorite series yet! In case you missed the first one Ive linked it here.  So "Currently In" is where I share my monthly finds in all things entertainment i.e. books, podcasts, movies, tv shows, online articles, clothes, makeup..basically any and everything I can get my hands on.  I love doing the leg work and scouring the internet for things to share with you guys.  So lets jump in shall we?

Current Read: Frankenstein 

I will admit I never read this classic before.  I had seen a few versions of it on the big screen before decided I should add it to my list after it was referenced in another book I shared with you in my first currently in post.  It is a classic novel written by Mary Shelley at a time when women weren't believed to capable of such an act!  She actually told by her, would be publisher, that a woman could never think of such a story and so her husband must have written it! I know don't get me started.👿  I thought it was the perfect read especially as we are moving into the fall where the days are shorter, it feels like a bit of a scarier time all around so why not introduce some horror into my reading?  Let me start by saying the monster isn't the monster at all.  If you haven't read this book, what are you waiting for?

Current Podcast: Radiolab

WNYC's Radiolab is a GREAT podcast to add to your favorites.  They talk about all sorts of fascinating topics and what I love the most is they don't seek to explain it, only probe the question leaving listeners to see a topic in a totally different way.  A close friend of mine had recommended I listen to a three part series called, In the No, where they explored sexual consent, specifically times when a woman is with a partner and doesn't want to have sex but her male counterpart doesn't take her no as final and so continues his advances until they ultimately have sex.  I found this conversation to be fascinating, I mean who hasn't been in that type of situation? You like a guy, you want to hang out with him but you aren't interested in doing anything more than maybe cuddling and some kissing and he decides he is turned on and continues to pursue the issue until you concede.  It is thought provoking and upsetting if I am honest, but I love that these things are even being discussed in mainstream culture.  They also have a series on sexuality, it is a great podcast to check out I promise!

Currently on Netflix: Five Foot Two

You know last month I was all about Lady Gaga after seeing A Star is Born and obsessing over the soundtrack so when I saw this documentary on my netflix queue I was all about it! So "Five Foot Two",  follows Gaga as she adds the final touches to her 2016 album Joanne and prepares for her 2017 Super Bowl performance.  She is completely bare in this documentary although in my opinion also a little, oh whats the word, self serving, maybe?  I am no newbie to the documentary genre and they can really shape public perception.  I know honesty when they see it, but I felt this seemed a little forced, a little scripted.  When Gaga first dropped on the scene I found her completely over the top with all of her crazy costumes, seeking attention not so much for her talent, although she is full of it, but for her shock value, she admits to that and she is asking that we allow her to grow and evolve from that persona.  I get it, do you boo boo.

Currently on HBO:  Insecure Season 3

 

I LOVE me some Issa and Molly and while I will admit the first episode of Season 3 did not grab my attention, even though I had a viewing party to commemorate the occasion, this season was the best so far!  The season is only 8 episodes and all episodes are 30 minutes long so I decided to to just binge watch the whole season on one Saturday morning.  I wanted to kick myself for waiting so long because this season was amazing!  If you haven't seen season 1 and 2, DO IT!  Season 3 digs deeper into their friendships, relationships, careers while exploring themes of gentrification, racism and sexism.

Currently in Music: Chicano Batman Freedom is Free

This Mexican American band out of California is everything and a bag of chips!  Their music is unapologetically political and a big F.U. to this government's demonization of our immigrant population.  While the lyrics are emotionally charged, the music is upbeat and infectious.  My favorite is their bilingual spin on This Land is Your Land which they shared in a commercial for Johnnie Walker's Black Label which you can watch here .  They are definitely a band to watch out for.

Currently in Mental Health: Why Do I Feel Sad for No Reason?

This is a little bit different but definitely worth a share!  I stumbled on this article and shared it with a few friends who loved it!  This article introduces the concept of an emotional cold, you know those times where you feel melancholy for a spell with no good reason.  You aren't going through anything at the moment that might cause this sadness and yet there it is!  It happens and this article proves it is more than ok.  Enjoy loves!

Currently Purchased: 

Holidays! You either love them or you hate them and that pendulum can swing back and forth every year.  The truth is, the holidays can be an especially difficult time for many, many people, myself included.  This time last year I hated the question, "what are you doing for the holidays?" easy enough question, right? Harmless even? But the truth is this time last year I was in the very beginning of the most difficult time of my life.  I shared some of it in my last post which you can read here.  It was right around late October that things were falling apart with my son compounded with the biggest falling out with my mother, sister and father so having them over for the holidays was not an option.  This is life, right?  Throwing curve balls at you around the most "wonderful time of the year".  I want to share with you a few things that helped me get through the holidays last year in the hopes that this reaches someone who feels alone and distraught.  I will preface this list by saying that pain is very real and the only around past the pain is right through it.  This list is in no way meant to undermind a struggle or a loss in your life right now, these are merely things I learned to practice to help keep my head above water.

1. Take a Social Media Break

2. Do More of What Makes You Happy

3. Get and Stay Physical 

4. Find Things in Your Life to Be Grateful For.  

Where do I start this post? From the beginning, I guess.  This time last year was an extremely difficult time in my life and if you have read my blog you know I have had many, who hasn't? But it felt like this was different, this time would break me and possibly everything I had worked so hard for.  As you all know I am the mother of a 19 year old son and last year lawdy, lawdy.  I don't want to go into great detail but I will say that my husband and I were in a struggle for my son's future.  We had been here before, but when a child turns 18 years old the rules are slightly different.  We can't necessarily ground him for questionable behavior.  We can set ground rules and norms but we have to allow him space to explore himself and who he is becoming, where he is going, what he wants to do, I mean it is a lot for a young person to figure out.  Around this time last year he was working a part time job at a supermarket while he was attending a community college full time.  I thought it was important for him to maintain employment while attending school to keep him occupied and focused on the prize.  His choice in friends were questionable and his choice in lifestyle was also worrisome.  We tried on so many occasions to get through to him and it felt as if it fell on deaf ears.  My husband and I would spend so many hours talking through our feelings, making plans, trying new ways to get through to our young man.  Maybe if we give him some space, get less emotionally charged, allow him the time to figure things out but at the same time setting parameters that would keep him safe.  I recall feeling hopeless at times and other times feeling like I haven't done enough. I haven't thought through this enough, even though it occupied every single waking hour of my day.  It consumed me.  I reached out to my father at a very low time and shared with him what we were up against and tried to recruit him to reach out and talk to our son.  He agreed and tried to reach out but our son wouldn't answer and never returned the call.

Then a family drama that had been brewing for about two years unraveled at my weakest moment.  I had the biggest argument with my mother.  She said terrible things to me, things you just don't say to another woman, a mother, and your own child.  But especially at this particular moment when I was in crisis with my own child it was an even deeper cut in an already open wound.  I was reminded that hurt people hurt people and I could no longer allow this in my life.  I needed to focus on my family and my son specifically.  At this very same time my husband's youngest brother suffered a sudden and shocking brain aneurysm and was rushed to the hospital for emergency brain surgery.  My husband jumped in his car and took the 12 hour drive to Atlanta to be with his family.  I stood behind to be with our boys until he could send word back.  To say we were in a dark place is not saying enough.  When someone close to you, younger than you suffers this type of medical emergency you realize your own mortality.  Life is not guaranteed to anyone.  It is this precious gift we are given every day we open our eyes to welcome a new day.  You realize in these moments that what you are holding on to or holding against someone else is trapping you and stealing your happiness.  This is all to say that life doesn't wait until you are done with one crisis to throw you with another.  Quiet often you are thrown a few at the same time that will test your resolve.

Back to the original story, my son.  Well a lot was going on in our home, there was a lot of tension, a lot of worry, a lot of everything.  The holiday season approached and it was a lonely one.  I cut off all communication with my family and my in laws where spending the holidays with their son in Atlanta. My husband and I decided to have a small dinner for us at home and I invited a good friend over for dinner.  I tried my best to keep my spirits up but I struggled luckily I was surrounded by people I didn't have to pretend around.  The dinner went well but my son left half an hour before dinner was served.    He had been home all day and didn't mention having plans. I was upset and hurt.  I don't remember much of the rest of the evening but I know I remember crying myself to sleep that night.  The whole thing blew into an even bigger crisis later that weekend, again I don't want to go into too many details because it involves my son's life and that is not my story to tell.  I will just say it got REALLY bad.  I found out my son had quit school and pretend to be going for the past month.  He had no plans of telling me or returning in the spring.  There was a lot I found out that day that I didn't know.  I was devastated and I thought I wouldn't make it.  I was on the verge of losing my only son.  I had no control over anything that was happening.

About a week later I had to make the toughest decision of my life and ask my son to leave our home.  I thought he would move in with his father and this would shake some sense into him.  This plan would show him how much good he had in his life and cause him to reflect and want to come home.  I will tell you now, that this was NOT an easy decision to come to and my husband was not consulted in the making of this decision.  I decided and shared with him what I thought was best and he supported me as he always does.  My son decided to move out the next morning in a hurry with my father waiting outside for him.  I felt betrayed by my parents for giving him an easy way out and not even talking to us about what was going on.  At the same time it gave me peace of mind knowing that he would be safe.  The next few weeks were tough.  I had barely any communication with my child, or my family and I was trying to recover from what had happened.  I missed my son and longed for his phone call or his visit or some sign that he had some understanding of all of this.  My husband and I tried to return to some normalcy but proceeded with caution.  We traveled early in 2018 to Iceland and being able to get away from our routine for that week and take in all of the beautiful landscapes and just being together meant so much.  My husband and my closest friends treaded softly but always checked in to see where I was and how I was feeling which would instantly bring tears to my eyes.  I confessed some days I felt completely hopeless and other days I believed it was all going to be ok.  I was seeing a therapist very regularly and I also started my I am a Bad Mom series  all in an effort to work through my pain and try to understand where it all went wrong.  As the winter past and spring sprang I was feeling closer to who I was and feeling like although everything was not what I hoped for yet, having faith in God and our (my son and I) relationship.  I am his mother, I raised him, I have loved him and taken care of him his whole life, surely that means something.

Where we are a year later. 

I got a call from my son in July right before my birthday, he called to tell me he was sorry for going silent for so long but he had a good reason.  He had just completed his Marine Corp Bootcamp and was graduating in a few days.  He was flying into NY and wanted to take me out for a birthday lunch.  My heart melted and so many emotions flooded in.  When I saw him, a lot had changed but a lot hadn't.  He is currently stationed in Missouri.  We are not where we once were and we are not where I would like us to be but I believe in this process.   I believe in myself as a parent and in my son as a person.   We are working on our relationship.  I am learning boundaries and remaining available and open to my son when he is ready.  He is on a journey all his own, and in a way we both are.  We are living our lives for the first time, separately and its been hard but I also know it is very necessary.

I am in a totally different place than I was this time last year and all I can say is how grateful I am to everyone who picked me up, dusted me off and put me back on my path.  I dont know exactly what I did to deserve except to say I have had my fair share of heartache and maybe this is the universe's way of giving me a break.

I am sharing this because I went through this privately.  I didn't share my pain with the world, only my close circle.  Growing pains are real.  Change is hard and even though it was one of the most painful things I have ever gone through, I am still standing.  It has not broken me and instead has given me a whole new perspective on parenting, love and life in general.  There was so much I thought for sure I had control over.  I have spent the last year letting myself off the hook.  Allowing myself this time of nonjudgemental reflection.  Did I do everything right? Did I make all of the best decisions? That is for no one to judge and personally a waste of time because that time has passed.  Of course I have spent most of this time reflecting because its important to understand how you got to a certain place but I DO NOT spend my time exploring those moments in regret.  I know who I am.  I know my intentions.  I also know I cant undo any of it.  The only thing I can do is learn from it.   I am a different person than I was a year ago.  You don't go through something like that and not be changed by it.  I am a stronger, wiser, much more confident and grounded person.  I am finding my voice in a lot of different areas and I couldn't get to this place without my experience.  I have learned so much about my husband and the strength and resilience of our marriage and I am eternally grateful to him every single day.  I have never felt closer to another human being and so secure in his love for me and his commitment to our marriage as I have this past year.

We all fear the unknown, we fear change, but it is exactly in those times when you are facing those fears that you grow exponentially if you just release control and allow for life to take shape.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this post.  This space has helped me so much this past year, it has been a distraction, a creative outlet, an inspiration and so much more so thank you for your endless support!  I look forward to continued evolution.

Until next time.

By LifeStyledbyErica

Do you love horror as much as I do?  Horror was one of the things my mother and I had in common.  We loved a great horror movie!  Now before you cast any judgement she, like many parents, tried to shield my young and impressionable eyes from anything scary for as long as she could until one day my sister and I wore her down.  She decided if we insisted on watching a scary movie she would show us THE scariest movie ever made! The movie that caused many adults endless nights filled with nightmares after its release in theaters, The Exorcist!  Have you heard of it, of course you have! They have made a million versions of The Exorcist but I am referring to the Linda Blair version released in 1973.  We all sat down in the living room in the middle of a Saturday afternoon when my mother pressed play on the VCR but not before she said to us(she loves building up the drama, something else we have in common), " I warned you, this is the scariest movie ever made! Remember you asked for this so if you have nightmares it isn't my fault!"  (I might be making some of that up, I mean I was a kid but you get the gist.)  My sister and I sat on the sofa together, nervous about what we were about to watch, my mother watched for our reactions with pressed lips.  Well, I don't want to build too much drama here but lets just say we pissed my mother off when we started laughing our butts off as Linda Blair's head turned a full 360 degrees.  After my mother got over her initial anger at our silliness she and I became horror movie buddies.  My sister dropped out of the horror movie club after The Exorcist so it was something my mother and I would do together, just the two of us.  My mother and I followed The Exorcist with one of my all time favorite horror films, A Nightmare on Elm Street, the 1984 version of course!

I am prefacing this post with that story to set my credentials.  I have been watching horror for years, so I know a good one from a bad one.  I don't think horror should be reserved for fall or halloween but I understand we gravitate to the genre as the days get shorter, the nights grow longer, the temperature drops, and the trees are barren, its time to get cozy.  We all know the "classics" some I have already mentioned, Halloween, Friday the 13th, and The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, so I am not going to bore you with listing movies that are on everyone's "scariest horror movies" list.  Now this list might include one or two movies you have heard of but I am positive you will find at least one or two you have never heard of cause I have been doing my research!  So without further adieu and in no particular order, my TOP 6 Scariest Horror Movies of ALL TIME:

1. The Babadook

2. The Strangers 

3. The Shining 

4. Veronica

5. Inside 

6. Martyrs 

Fall is here and yes that means pumpkin lattes, chunky knits, over the knee boots and berets but colder air also means less moisture in the air which can lead to dry, patchy skin, at least for me it does. I have sensitive skin with some redness around my cheeks.  I have to be careful with the products I use all year round but my skin is especially vulnerable in the fall and winter.  In order to combat that  I switch up my skin care routine to meet the demands of the winter air.  Today I want to share those products along with some skin care tips.

You might have noticed from the description in my instagram bio that I am pivoting from defining myself as a fashion blogger into something that has deeper meaning for me.   For a long time, probably since I started this blog, I questioned what I wanted to offer my readers and whether or not it was true to who I was.  Yes, I love fashion. No, I don't live to shop nor do I want to seduce you into buying what I am wearing, although I am happy to share. 💕 Yes, I love skincare and beauty. No, I don't love to spend half my mortgage on it.  I craved to create a space of honesty, vulnerability and self love.  Throughout this blogging journey the posts I have loved to write the most are the ones that challenged me, scared me and in many ways healed me.  I worried what others might think and how their perceptions of me might change after reading my stories of being a teen mom with an abusive boyfriend or whether or not I could share a piece of my story as a sexual abuse survivor or my struggle prioritizing my health and gyn visits.  Turns out those are the posts you love the most.  They are raw and honest and connect us in ways that seem so important now.  I would receive messages like, "oh my god, I had no idea", or "wow, you have been through so much" or "thank you for sharing, your story has helped me" and it made my heart smile.

We are a full year past the #metoo movement and just last week a Supreme Court nominee accused of sexual assault was sworn into the U.S. Supreme Court following a public, televised hearing the world was watching.  It can deflate, stigmatize and further isolate survivors.  I know now more than ever what my purpose is in this online space.  I am an educated, professional career woman, happily married with an adult son who is a US Marine, a teenage stepson and a beautiful pup named Timmy.  I am a full 8 years past the trauma of abusive relationships and in the most healthy and fulfilling relationship of my life but I will never be completely healed of the trauma I endured and still suffer with the residue of those experiences.  I am safe, loved and finally in a place in my life where I can share my stories with women and men who are currently suffering through abuse or beginning to heal from it.

I understand above all that happiness and mental well being is an inside job and it starts with prioritizing yourself, feeding your body and soul with goodness everyday.  I will continue to work on sharing stories that make me feel uncomfortable but know are important and meaningful to you in an effort to break the stigma of a victim of abuse.  And I won't just be sharing those stories, I also care deeply about mental health issues and breaking those stigmas.    I will share my own struggles with self love and body positivity because I believe all of these are connected.   I will share affirmations and daily inspiration that inspire me to love myself exactly the way I am in the hopes that it will inspire you to love yourself too.  I hope you will continue to follow me on this journey and know you have a friend in me.  I know the pain. I know the loneliness. I also know there is light ahead.

For anyone currently suffering through abuse please know you aren't alone.  It isn't your fault.  You are deserving of a life filled with happiness and love.  You can still thrive and live a life of intention and purpose.

Please follow along on my journey by subscribing to my blog and for daily inspiration follow me on instagram.

By LifeStyledbyErica

Hello lovies! If you follow me on instagram, you don't? Do it now by clicking here. Ok so I am always sharing movies I am watching, music I am loving, books I am currently reading, podcasts I can't get enough of and all of life's in-between's on my instastories.  There is so much media and entertainment to consume it can feel overwhelming so I love getting recommendations from people and I thought you might too! As we know unless you mark them as a highlight, instastories are gone in 24 hours which I guess makes sense so I thought why not a more permanent home, like say MY BLOG! Let's jump in.

Current Podcast: Serial 

Currently Reading: No One Cares About Crazy People

Currently in the Theaters: A Star is Born

Currently Listening to: A Star is Born Soundtrack

Currently On Netflix: Nappily Ever After

Currently Purchased: 

I think I will leave it there so I can save something for the next installation of "currently in". Until next time, don't forget to subscribe to the blog and follow along on instagram.

Until next time,

By LifeStyledbyErica

The last two weeks have been really tough for me and countless of other survivors of sexual assault, domestic and emotional abuse.  I, like many others, was glued to Dr. Ford's testimony of her sexual assault at the hands of Supreme Court nominee Kavanaugh.  Needless to say but I will anyway, I believe her.  I have shared with you my experience with surviving trauma in this post a little over a year ago.  I also shared bits of that relationship in my I am a Bad Mom series but that was just the first relationship I had.  I had a second significant relationship that lasted on and off for about 5 years.  Not only was it 100% dysfunctional, it was also emotionally and sexually abusive.  I won't go into too many details in this post because if I am honest I have not taken the time to unpack the trauma I experienced.  I am a full eight years "past" it and in a loving relationship with my husband, a new life, a fresh start when I was contacted by his current ex girlfriend and the woman with whom he shares a child with last weekend and realized how easily the memories and trauma came flooding back.

As I said before I don't want to go into too much detail but I do want to highlight some of my experience in this relationship because emotional abuse isn't always what we think it might be.  A man or woman yelling, cursing and degrading you privately and in front of others, although that happens too. Abusers aren't always raging alcoholics or drug addicts, although sometimes they are.  They are respected and well liked by others.  They are your neighbors, your co-workers, your classmates, they are your relatives.  They are people you admire. They are well educated and have great careers.   Unlike my first relationship, I was not scared of my abusive boyfriend at least not for my physical safety.   The abuse I endured was often subtle at times and it can be hard to point out while you are living it.  I know that was the case for me and why this relationship lasted for nearly five years off and on.   My ex was addicted to pornography (he would watch hours and hours of porn a day and even make his own videos by cutting and pasting parts from his favorite videos), this "past time" desensitized him and made me a sexual object.  He had unrealistic expectations based on what he was watching.   He was insidiously manipulative and never took anything I said at its face value.  He was convinced that I never meant what I said and he had to decode it for me.  Can you begin to imagine how frustrating that can be?  When he couldn't get a "win" he would say things to break me down.  He knew my abusive past and would use it against me.  He constantly called me insecure and damaged.  He tried to convince me my feelings about our relationship were just residual feelings   from past relationships I was projecting in my current relationship with him.  And while it is true that my relationships were abusive, what I was now experiencing was equally abusive.  His failure to accept his actions and responsibilities distorted and minimized my experience and feelings.

As one would imagine a person like I have just described would be incapable of accepting the relationship is over.  He didn't respect the boundaries I placed on him.  I asked him to not contact me, or stop by my home or job.  He didn't respect any of those requests.  He would call and text all the time, I had to block him.  He would stop by my apartment and make a scene when I wouldn't let him in.  I lived there alone with my son.  It was scary.  He would send emails, dm's, he even joined the gym I started attending.  Things got weird.  He didn't admit to joining my gym to get close to me, instead he lied, per usual.  He would make up excuses and emergencies to get me to reach out to him. None of it was true.  Getting this man out of my life was difficult and not because I couldn't get over him but because he refused to believe it was over.  So when his new, ex girlfriend reached out I wasn't surprised to hear that nothing had changed.  He had just transferred his energy and time into a new "victim".  At first when I read her message I was conflicted.  Do I want to invite this drama into my life?  Do I really want to befriend this woman or get involved in their business.  The answer to those questions were no, but I sensed her desperation and it reminded me of myself all those years ago.  It can be very isolating and not a lot of people really understand the damage unless they have experienced the pain.  So I returned the message.  I assured her she wasn't crazy and this was definitely a pattern.  He had convinced her our breakup was mutual and we ended on great terms.  I assured her that wasn't true either.

We just exchanged a few messages and she thanked me for responding.  She said it made her feel sane.  Those short exchanges haunted me for a few days.  I felt great compassion for this woman, her child and the long road they have ahead.  I also felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude.  Grateful for the life I now have with a man who treats me with unconditional love, respect and patience.

I am sharing this because I know how important it is to read these stories when you are in the thick of it.  I know it is hard but it has the ability to bring comfort and strength to people who need it the most.  If you need help, there is an emotional abuse/crisis text line you can use to get in contact with a trained crisis counselor.  Follow this link or text CONNECT to 741741.

Thank you for reading.  Please don't forget to subscribe and follow me on instagram.

Until next time.

by LifeStyledbyErica