Let's Get Candid: What's The Harm in a Little Lie?

September 22, 2018

Earlier this week on my stories I asked you guys what you thought about me starting a new series discussing some every day musings that I find to be controversial.  You guys overwhelming voted yes!  I don't want to oversell this series or even call it a series just yet.  For the time being I am going to store these entries under mindfulness because these are just a "slice of life" stuff.  There are no right or wrong answers.  You might have a very strong reaction to the topics that can go either way.  For me, it's not so clear and that is partly why I am sharing it on here and throwing it under mindfulness.  These are thought provoking to me and I want to start the discussion with you.  Shall we?

To kick off this series I would like to discuss the little white lie.  What is the harm in a little white lie?  I mean we all do it right?  It is sort of how our society functions because if we were really free to tell people exactly how we felt, when we felt it, well society, as we know it, would cease to exist.  I mean imagine being able to tell that co-worker who is a negative Nancy just where to put her constant negative sentiments?  Or what about when your friend goes to a lot of trouble to make you dinner for a ladies night and it's too salty or too bland or whatever, you don't want to hurt her feelings so you smile and suffer in silence.  Those are really nice examples of when we tell little white lies.  Both of those scenarios you might fear a confrontation or tears or whatever the fear is that is leading you to not be honest with the people around you.  But let's flip that around, what if you told that negative Nancy how negative they really were and the impact it has on you, your coworkers and the overall office morale?  Yes, they might be hurt, but this might be an opportunity for self reflection especially if you are telling them from a place of love.  They might be completely oblivious to their energy.  Its possible.  And what if you told your friend to pass you the salt?  I mean they might not blink an eye, they might say to you, "oh should I have added more salt? I wasn't sure.  That is good to know for the next time around."  I mean that isn't so bad right?  Still its scary because we tend to lean towards worse case reactions.  But maybe that's on us.  Maybe we are projecting our fears or past experiences onto them?  Just a thought.  Not convinced? Going to stick with the little white lies? Fine.

In those scenarios, no harm no foul.  But what about when it is damaging to you or to someone you love? For example, what if your partner really, really enjoyed doing something that you thought was sort of silly and a waste of time but you didn't let on and just went with it but as time progressed this "thing" they enjoyed is now something they love and because you have been doing this with them they think you love it too or at least you loved seeing them happy enough to sacrifice a bit of your time to continue to do it with them.  Is that bad?  Have you created a situation that is no longer sustainable?  Who do you have to be fair to?  Yourself?  Your partner?

I don't know the answers.  What do you think?  Is honesty always the best policy? Maybe it would help to understand the reasons why you lied to begin with.   We lie because we don't want to disappoint, hurt or engage in conflict.  Or sometimes we lie because we want to be the "good guy".  The person being lied to is none the wiser and at the moment just a  victim of your lie.  But now this lie is coming to roost.  You are going to have to face your deepest fear, the what if.  Do you tell the truth?  Do you continue with the little white lie?  Is that even an option now?

I want to hear from you.  How do you feel about little white lies? Are they harmless?  Tell me in the comments below.

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Until next time 💋


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