Whether we are aware of it or not, we are creatures of habit who very rarely stray from the patterns we established as children.  I don't mean that this isn't fluid, I believe we can alter patterns but first we must be aware of them in our lives.  As I approach my 8-month-resignation anniversary and my 7-month therapy anniversary Ive been reflecting on some patterns that continue to show up in my life.   Back in January of 2021, I quit a job I held for nearly ten years and severed a near 15 year relationship with an institution I believed for so long I was indebted to. As a single mom, head of household with no money or connections, I believed that if it weren't for the public university system and financial aid there would have been no way for me to be able to complete a degree. It wasnt just the cost, the university employed me as a young student and paid me a very good hourly rate, the union provided sick and vaction days, in addition to a decent health insurance for my son and I. Truly a human right that shouldn't be tied to employment but that is for another post. I was so emeshed in this university that I didnt know where it ended and where I began. My unhappiness in my role and the microagressions, sexual harassment and verbal abuse I endured at the university slowly, but surely started to tarnish the gloss I had as an undergraduate student but I still felt "how could I do better?"  

It is not enough to set goals, big or small, I mean anyone can, right? But what sets goal-setters and goal-achievers apart? I've got some experience in both spaces but up until about four years ago I was a solid goal-setter. I set goals like for example, I am going to cut all crap out of my diet. I am going to workout consistently and train like an athlete to get a fit and toned body that would make a 20 year old jealous. I am going to be disciplined with how I spend my evenings and weekends so that I am not scrolling on my phone, shopping online or watching endless hours of the boob tube which always made me feel terrible about myself anyway. I would set these goals typically as a New Year's resolution, New Year, New Me, right? Who hasnt said that and really meant it that time? Hands-up. Well, for years I found myself in this pattern. I would set my goal, join a gym, buy cute workout fits, buy a few cooking books and fiction titles etc. you know, throw money at it and then come February my motivation would tapper out and I would find myself back at square 1, deflated and a little poorer than when I started. If you can relate and find yourself in this same pattern, keep reading. 1. Start With Internal Work The problem here is you and no amount of money you throw at it will change anything in the long term for you. Ouch! Sorry, but it had to be said. Four years ago I decided to accept full responsibility for the gap between where I was and where I wanted to be. I knew that I had to strip myself of all the excuses I made for myself. I sat down with pen and paper and thought about my goals. For this post, let's focus on my goal to workout consistently, to fully embed the habit of working out as something I do daily like example making my bed in the morning or brushing my teeth. These are habits that I wasnt born doing or knowing about. I was taught and the practice was instilled in me by my mother and it has, thankfully, stuck with me into adulthood and I passed this knowledge onto my kids. I know what you may be thinking, making your bed or brushing your teeth is NOT the same as working out everyday. Fair enough but the gist is that you can be taught, habits can be formed and solidified into a routine. Start from there. Now with pen and paper, write out why this goal is something you want to create a habit around and eventually a routine you dont question, you just do. Instead of focusing on your habit as a goal, reframe the habit into the type of person you want to become.